I had to find the absolute core of what is required. Why do I do the things that I do? Why, exactly, should I do anything at all?
I wrote the word 'Obligations' on my whiteboard. I wanted to know everything that would take my time while I was thinking. I wrote down about a work project that I was still going to assist with. There was no other obligation I had for the next week and a half.
I thought more about this obligation. I had written down that I was to do it. That wasn't right, however. My obligation wasn't to do it, I wasn't obligated towards the result. I thought more about what my obligation to this was. My obligation was to try to accomplish the task, to be open and honest about the progress when prompted, to solve any problem that came up if I could. If I found a problem I could not solve, it was my obligation to report it to my boss, with my best alternative solution if I had one, and ask how he would like to proceed.
Now I thought about what it meant to be obligated to do something. I wrote the word 'Agreements' on the whiteboard. This obligation, I had it because I had an agreement. I agreed that I would do it. That wasn't deep enough. That agreement came from a deeper agreement. I agreed with my empolyeer I would trade a certain amount of time working in their interests, for a certain amount of money.
This was a very different way of thinking for me, but it started to make sense.
Why did I make such an agreement? Well, because I needed money. Why did I need money? I require money to maintain a certain lifestyle. Why ought I maintain a certain lifestyle?
Responsibility. That was the core. I am responsible for my own welfare. From this, I make agreements. These may result in obligation. I am a human being and I have desires.
Desires are a tricky thing. I took more than a day to list everything I wanted. Everything I still had any thought, no matter how small, of what I wanted. Projects I wanted done, tasks around the house, places I wanted to live, that I wanted to take vacations to places, feelings and emotions I wanted. All of my desires listed.
I looked at them, sorted them, organized them. I wrote them on the whiteboard, on the computer. I needed to figure out how to sort them and what they were.
When I really got into it, I found that all of the things I desired were either the completion of projects and tasks, or the effect of habits. That projects are the completion of tasks.
I realized also that all of the obligations that came from my agreements also result in tasks and habits.
What I came to understand is that the world I live in, operates like this:
The most important thing I learned in this is that work is not different. It needs to become incorperated into my life and I need to use the same tools to manage my life and work.
I began to build a framework for action.